Religious Rights

Ronnie Righteous: “The liberal left and the homosexuals are taking away my religious rights!”

Lance Lefty: “Really? That’s terrible! How so?”

RR: “Well you heard about how that liberal activist supreme court overstepped its bounds, and now suddenly my belief that marriage is between a man and a woman is being threatened.”

LL: “What do you mean? Like, you went down to the courthouse and applied for a license to believe that marriage is between one man and one woman, and your application was denied?”

RR: “Well, no…”

LL: “Is someone making you publicly state that you support gay people getting married, even though you don’t?”

RR: “Well, no…”

LL: “Is someone preventing you from speaking out against gay marriage?”

RR: “Um, no…”

LL: “Is someone making you celebrate the weddings of gay people?”

RR: “Not exactly…”

LL: “I’m confused. You can believe what you want; you can say what you want; and you can do what you want. How exactly are your rights being threatened?”

RR: “Um, well, people are beginning to see what an asshole I am, and that makes me uncomfortable.”


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