Update from Julie Rodgers

Julie Rodgers Quote

From Julie Rodgers, a beautiful piece about the burden of being gay among Christians, even for those who follow the evangelical-approved path of choosing celibacy.

Most of the Christians I know love gay people. They simply underestimate the burden of feeling marginalized, scrutinized, unwanted and relationally toxic because one of the best things about us—the way we give our love away—is seen as sinful. It’s easy for straight Christians to underestimate how exhausting it is to simply exist in communities that feel uncomfortable with gays: we’re constantly wondering if we should tell the truth when asked that question, or sleep on the floor when there’s room in the bed, or cut that hug short, or voice that question, or publish that post, or write that tweet, or curb that mannerism, or run from that friendship, or shut down those feelings or leave the church altogether. Those fears subside around friends who simply delight in who we are as whole human beings made in the image of God.

God how familiar these thoughts and feelings are to me. Read the rest of Julie Rodgers’ Update on the Gay Debate.


  1. She hits the nail right on the head. I find myself all too often biting my tongue, afraid to post something, afraid to share. It is not a way to live.

    All too often this leads to feelings of wanting to end my life because I’m not really living anyway.

    My wife says, “who cares what others think,” or “why do you care so much about others knowing?” While she does not judge me for being gay, I know others do and I know that the fact I struggle with not being fully “out” is not truly understood. And it only causes her pain and doubt of her place in my life if I voice that struggle.

    I sometimes just want to disappear.
    Or cease existing.


    1. JD thanks for sharing so vulnerably. Just as I can relate to Julie’s words, I can also relate to what you’ve written, as I have often felt (and sometimes continue to feel) those same things. Contact me if you need someone to talk to – gregadamyork at gmail.


  2. As someone who was Side B, I can empathise with what she says. But I also think that the burden is caused more by assumptions and church traditions than by the Bible. It is based on the Augustinian view that sex is a necessary evil and that all sexual feeling outside a heterosexual, monogamous marriage is sin. I don’t beleive that any more for reasons I won’t go into here, I am just so glad I abandoned these oppressive and repressive “commandments and traditions of men”.


    1. Absolutely – I agree that it’s not the Bible, but the institution and traditions of churches that cause problems. So we can hope that, in the same way that (at least some) churches have moved on from support of slavery and devaluing of women, perhaps they can also leave behind their contempt of gay people.


  3. Yes, but it will take a while sadly. By the way I’ve wrote more on these points on my latest post stating why I agree with Tony Campolo in accepting gay couples into churches. I’ve actually used one of the points you made previously about “how we define homosexuality”.


    1. Thanks – I checked out your post and found lots of good thoughts there. But my favorite line was this: “How do they define “homosexuality”? Two men on a sofa watching Mr. Selfridge or sharing a house and finances?” 🙂


      1. Haha 😀 I remember you saying something similar, except you said “The Simpsons”. I am actually moving away from Side B position now myself as you can probably tell – it’s been coming for a long time!


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