A Whole New Adventure

Four years have passed since I came out to my wife; three years since I started writing this blog. And through much of that time I’ve felt like things were moving excruciatingly slowly. In comparison, though, the past 12 months have been a whirlwind. Highlights:

  • Last summer I came out to each of my four kids and was overwhelmed by their love and support. More than anything, I think this step is what set in motion the further changes to come. Once my kids knew, I no longer cared who else might find out.
  • Last fall, I attended a conference by the Reformation Project, and for the first time ever found myself surrounded by LGBT people. I never realized the weight of the burden we carry living in a world where heteronormativity is always assumed, until I found myself in a place where it wasn’t. It was beautiful.
  • In January, attended my first Gay Christian Network conference, where I met two other guys in similar situations to mine. We shared a lot in terms of our religious and family backgrounds, and getting to know one another and sharing our stories was incredibly powerful.
  • In March, I found a local gay volleyball club (they have them all over the US – check out nagva.org) and started going to their open gym night. Coming out to my kids last summer gave me the freedom to begin pursuing friendships with other gay people.

My involvement with this volleyball club has been completely life-changing. They welcomed me warmly, and in a matter of weeks, I found that I had more gay friends than I could have ever dreamed of. When I’m with them, I feel I can let down my guard and just be me. The pretense drops away and I no longer feel the urge to “act straight” – a self-protective mechanism I’ve carefully cultivated over the years. And it feels wonderful!

My blog posts may have become less frequent, but that’s not a sign of anything bad. Instead, it’s because I’ve found richer and better ways to process my thoughts and feelings as I continue along this unpredictable and adventurous path.

12 comments

    1. It’s challenging for her, but she is overwhelmingly supportive. I think she sees the positive changes in me when I spend time with my friends, and my improved mental and emotional state make it easier for me to be more engaged with her at home. We both know – at least on an intellectual level – that it will be hard if and when I start pursuing more one-on-one relationships with guys. What we don’t know is how it will feel to us – that we can only know by walking that path.

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  4. I enjoy reading your blog. I don’t comment often–in fact, I think this might be my first time to do so. What you posted about coming out to your children really struck a nerve with me. I don’t have any children, but have two wonderful nieces. I’m sure they’ve figured it out by now as both of them are highly observant and intelligent, but I’ve never “come out” to them. I know that doing so would be as liberating for me as your experience was coming out to your kids. I hope to find that courage some day.

    I’m glad your life is so full and happy now!

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    1. Jay – thanks so much for reading and for your comments. You’re probably right – your nieces likely already know. If you would find it liberating, I hope you can experience that sometime soon!

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  5. congratulations Greg. i am curious about your wife. are you still married? does she go out with men? and are in a gay relationship yet? you are a sweet guy,. i am single and gay and wouldnt be against having a boyfriend like you..good luck..

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  6. Hi Greg, we have briefly chatted before. I’m back on your blog again. You came out in 2013, your life is radically different than when you came out. I on the other hand am approaching six years since the day I came out (Friday the 13th of January 2012). Still married, still in limbo, still haven’t figured out what to do. Wife and I are like Velcro. Not sure if anyone else is ever like this, where we just seem to stay together day by day, year by year even though there is an under-the-surface tension all the time. Anyway, I still seek a “magic bullet” to solve my dilemma of life. Hope life is good for you. Dave

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    1. Thanks Dave – good to be in touch again. I understand what you’re describing. In some ways my life is radically different, yet in other ways seems to go on as before – not sure what if anything will break the momentum that keeps us moving in the same path.

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